Throughout your love life, you might’ve encountered people who find it difficult to deal with and express their emotions or who are afraid of commitment and intimacy. Sound familiar? These are indications of being emotionally unavailable.
In a relationship, emotional availability is essential for making deep and meaningful connections with each other. While you may sense when your partner or someone close to you is emotionally unavailable, it’s important to recognize if the same applies to you.
Here are the telltale signs you might be exhibiting that could indicate you’re emotionally unavailable for relationships:
1. Keeping your options open
Emotionally unavailable people tend to avoid forming emotional bonds as a way of protecting themselves from potential hurt. Choosing not to make commitments or be tied down to one person is a manifestation of this.
For instance, evading the conversation about going exclusive with your partner suggests that you still want to meet other people. This is a sign that you’re emotionally unavailable because you feel you won’t become attached to anyone when you’re seeing multiple people.
2. Getting drained from relationships
For a relationship to work, the people involved must be able to have emotional conversations with each other. But emotionally unavailable individuals struggle with this and refrain from sharing their thoughts or feelings with their partner. You might think you’re just being mindful about what you disclose, but always playing it safe won’t lead to very meaningful connections.
As a result, you may feel exhausted by your relationship. If being in a relationship seems like a burden instead of something that makes you happy and fulfilled, this might indicate that you’re emotionally unavailable. While it’s true that relationships require effort, considering it a “job” could mean you’re not ready yet.
3. Feeling anxious about your relationship
Constantly worrying about your partner, the state of your relationship, and the challenges you may face in the future might stem from your emotional unavailability. You may think about ending the relationship early or withdrawing emotionally even while you’re still in it because you’re afraid of getting hurt.
4. Pursuing “easy” relationships
Text-only relationships can seem appealing, especially for emotionally unavailable people. It may feel like you have someone who gives you validation and makes you feel good without requiring much effort. This allows you to fulfill fantasies about relationships in your mind but results in a lack of will and knowledge to handle real-life situations. You should be able to spend actual time and put in real effort for relationships. If you’re not eager to do so, it means you’re not prepared for a true relationship.
5. Having trust issues
One trait of emotionally unavailable people is being easily distrustful. If you become skeptical of people who attempt to get close to you, or if you question their intentions and try to back away, then you most likely have emotional unavailability. Of course, you shouldn’t simply trust everyone you meet, but scrutinizing them even when they haven’t done anything wrong might be a problem.
6. Backing out when a chance presents itself to you
If you’re someone who often claims to want a relationship (and even agrees to go on dates) but quickly retreats when there’s a chance to commit, this might mean you’re emotionally unavailable. You might cover it up with an excuse, like being afraid of losing your independence or thinking you can find a better partner, but it’s likely because you’re simply not ready.
7. Cutting people off with no hesitations
When you’re in a toxic relationship or friendship, it’s valid to want to let go. But doing so without trying to work it out first can be a sign that you’re emotionally unavailable. If your immediate reaction is to ghost or block someone when conflict arises, you might need the emotional space required for a deep relationship.
Whether you relate to these signs or not, being emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, nor does it suggest that you’ll never find love. Maybe it just isn’t the right time for you to enter a serious relationship, and you should be able to face that fact about yourself. After all, developing self-awareness is essential for improving yourself and your relationships with others. In love and life, everything is an opportunity to learn and grow.
